phobia noun
an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation.
For me, my mayonnaise phobia makes complete sense. It’s gross. And it doesn’t stop there. I have an extreme aversion to ranch dressing as well. I am deeply disturbed by THOSE people who smother their mayonnaise or ranch on top of anything and everything. Just the smell of it makes me gag. Even typing about it is a little painful.
I’m fairly certain my phobia began at an early age, a day like many other days. It was most likely a rainy or snowy day and I was at my best friend’s house, stuck inside. We were about 9 or 10 and there were no parents in sight. “Hey, Sam, wanna play a game?” She asks. Those days I would pretty much do or say anything she requested of me. “Sure,” I say, “What’s the game?” With a sly grin on her face she informs me she is going to fill a plate from the refrigerator, blindfold me, and then feed me what was on the plate and I in turn had to guess each item. “Why not?” I think, “What could possibly go wrong?” I completely trust my friend as she is covering my eyes. My first bite was easy. “Pizza!” I say. The second bite, however, happened to be a large spoonful of miracle whip. I was already quite a picky eater and never even tasted miracle whip. And I never will again.
When I began working in the restaurant industry, my co-workers soon discovered this phobia of mine. How funny they thought they were. Smearing ranch dressing over objects they knew I would have to touch, like the sprayer in the dishpit or my car door. Well now that I own and operate my own restaurant I can safely say that NO ONE smears anything anywhere and gets away with it.
The following recipe (and any other recipe I submit to this blog for that matter) is completely free of mayonnaise, ranch, or any other substance I find repulsing. Use this spread on its own to dip your fancy crackers in or apply it on a sandwich in lieu of mayo. Toast a baguette and smear some on, finish with roasted red pepper and goat cheese. The options are endless and quite delicious. Tonight I chose to dip some veggies, goat cheese and a toasted pita in it. Tomorrow I’ll make a chicken and bacon sandwich, spread some on along with some avocado, tomato and spinach. Yum!
1 can white beans, drained and rinsed well
½ can artichoke hearts (perhaps you can use the remaining half on a pita pizza, courtesy Megan S.)
1 cup spinach
3-4 cloves garlic
¼ cup parmesan (optional)
Olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Slice of bread
Combine first five ingredients in a food processor and pulse until well combined. Crumble bread in to thicken. Drizzle with olive oil and add salt and pepper. Mix until smooth.
Sam
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